Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
