its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
