It's Friday. Sex?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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