i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
