careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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