Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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