At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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