i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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