Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
