Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
