I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
