K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
