before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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