the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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