she woke up with a sticky ear
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
