how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
