Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
