i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thus making me awesome and them whores
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
