Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Houston, we have a blender
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
