Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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