I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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