My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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