Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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