Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
