how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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