Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
