you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
