sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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