And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
