apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
