I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
