We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
