He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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