nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
