But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
