shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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