I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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