my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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