I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
