the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
