If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
