I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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