but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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