You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
