Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
