batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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