I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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