I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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