Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize