wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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