ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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