Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
