I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
