I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i would one night stand the shit outta him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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