i think my mom watched the whole time
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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