You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
