pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
