i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
