if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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