I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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