He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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