dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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