I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
