Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
