nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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