I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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