when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
