i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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